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Found this while having a brief look through some old files today.

One of my reports from 1997. As was usual from that time, it was a shabby performance, but it’s worth noting several things from my report of that game, when I used to get abuse for “writing that b#@@@ks in the Advertiser.”

My favourite bit is “Vinie Ball” returning after disciplinary problems. Vinnie, please fill us in because I can’t remember!

It’s also quite amusing referring to Mark Wright being “put out of his misery” when sharing a changing room with the legend.

Fun stuff, and evidence that I have been writing nonsense for more than just the last two years.

Anthony Lepere joined Heywood’s misfits for the 2010 tour of Worcester.

Here, the Australian – from the Midland Guildford Club with which we have such great links – recalls a great few days away with the lads.

I was first asked to write about my memories of Crimble an embarrassingly long time ago. I hesitated out of respect for Crimble. I knew something of Heywood Cricket Club before I set foot in the United Kingdom. I got a strong sense of the club and the people that comprise it during a short tour with a colts team in 2010. If anything, the club seems more inspiring – and intimidating – now than it did during my brief period of playing for it.  The club deserves congratulations for that.

The short tour to which I have referred took place in August 2010. A colts team, bolstered by Bobby Cross, the Chairman, John Farrar and Roger Smethurst, set out from Heywood for Worcester. Somewhat awkwardly, as a result of a miscommunication that was altogether my fault, I laboured under the misapprehension that Worcester is in the Lakes District (and even updated my Facebook to that effect). During the course of the second day of the tour, I asked where all the lakes were, much to the amusement of my teammates.

I had been told of the great successes enjoyed by previous Heywood touring teams. I was nervous that the expectations of me had been set by Royce Blight, a much more accomplished former teammate at the Midland Guildford Cricket Club in Australia. To use a metaphor of which I know Roycey would approve, I felt like Ashton Kutcher taking over from Charlie Sheen on Two and a Half Men. My individual results – though not those of the tour – suggest the metaphor is an apt one. I took, I think, some three wickets; by the end of the tour, I suspect my back audibly creaked.  I would be pleasantly surprised if I made that many runs.

In all, we played three games of cricket in three days. We won each of the games. We had a close call in the third game, when our opponents raced away to 0/100 after 10 overs, thanks largely to 4 overs of right arm pump provided by the under-qualified captain that day (me).  We were saved by a magnificent six from the last ball of the day by Wes Hunt. That six was improved by the fact that Wes had turned down a second run from the penultimate delivery, thereby rendering him on strike in place of Bobby.  At the time, Bobby was both the leading run-scorer for the tour and Heywood’s first team.  As Wes pointed out to us in the dressing room afterwards, big match players make decisions like the one he did!

We also had the opportunity to get to see Worcester. One particular incident deserves to be recorded. The Tuesday nightlife in Worcester is not, it is fair to say, immediately obvious. That is not to say it doesn’t exist; only that we were not able to find it without great difficulty. After some travel, we chanced upon a venue that hosted “Diversity”, an unimaginatively named evening for Worcester’s queer population. Lacking alternatives, we entered and were treated to a mash-up of hits by British boy-bond 5ive. I was pleased in a kitsch way.  The younger lads were simply confused. A short time later, an angry young woman dressed in the manner of the late Amy Winehouse approached us.  She challenged our right to be in the venue, asking: “Are you actually gay?” (with the emphasis on the word “actually” in a way that conjured a Little Britain sketch).  Without hesitation, Roger put his arms around two of the youngest lads and replied: “Massively!”

Two things struck me during the time I spent with Heywood Cricket Club. First, the extent to which cricket is an inclusive, family-friendly and social affair on the tour.  The afternoon teas resembled some of the best spreads I have seen (in Perth and Singapore). Captains made a point of throwing the ball to all of the available bowlers, not only the most able ones.  Having to meaningfully engage with players of widely varying ability levels may or may not produce better cricketers but certainly produces better humans. Related, the banter in the middle was lively, thoughtful and good natured.

Secondly, the sense of pride in Heywood cricket.  I was sorry not to get to play at Crimble, though I did visit it; it is a beautiful ground. At the same time, I was somewhat relieved. The seriousness with which the lads took representing Heywood while on tour strongly implied that playing at Crimble is rightly viewed as a privilege. I am not sure that my returns on tour had earned me a run at the great ground!

I am indebted to Bobby Cross for the opportunity to associate myself with Crimble.  If ever the chance presents for me to be near Manchester again, I will hope to be in the Heywood round.

Anthony Lepere
Hong Kong
10 January 2013